Life Under Construction

I've had my LiveJournal for 11 years. The nice thing about it was that it never had to be good and it never had to represent anything larger -- it was just me.

But blogging here has and will have tremendous benefits. But in an attempt to do it right, I've been pretty absent. I haven't forgotten you! In fact, I am nurturing the blog behind the scenes: taking classes, learning about design, and harnessing a real purpose for this space.

I'm hoping it won't be much longer. I've already completed a lot of transitions in life and as a writer, so I'm probably more antsy than you are for some regular blogging action!

So please mind the orange cones. Construction season is here, but I think we'll all be glad to take a smooth ride to someplace awesome once the work is over. Time to repave, repaint and redirect.

Get ready for lots of positive change!

Contemplations on Friendship

Most of the time I spend in my car is wasted time. I drive towards my destination on autopilot with a constant stream of nondescript thoughts running through my mind, or I shuffle through the 32GB of music on my iPhone to find a song I feel like singing, or I continue a vulgar cultivation of fleeting hatred for every person on the road. Rarely do I remember anything I've thought or done while driving -- what happens in the car, stays in the car.

But a recent book review I heard on NPR got my gears turning about a topic that irks me as much as the guy tailing me as I drive 20 miles over the speed limit: friendship.

The book was "She Matters: A Life in Friendships" by Susanna Sonnenberg. After conquering my current mountain of books, I may look into reading it. But for now, Meg Wolitzer's analysis has done enough to get me going on the topic.

People devote a lot of time to figuring out what they want out of a romantic relationship. They work hard to better their relationships with family. But friendships are a muddy mess.

I agree with Wolitzer when she explains that the lack of commitment in friendships is what makes them so difficult. There's no bloodline or legal union associated with friendship, so how can we hold our friends to the same standards?

There is no formal commitment, yet I have always held the same expectations for my friends as I do boyfriends -- and I continually get disappointed. It's a risky thing to do, to invest so much in someone who doesn't really owe you anything. Then again, you could also say it's a tad cynical to think that way in the first place.

Usually I post in the blog when I've figured something out. But this time, I feel really far away from an answer. I suppose it's something for us both to think about:

What makes a good friendship?
What do you expect from a friendship?
Can you expect too much?

Please comment if you've got some insight!

Leveraging Your Assets for Job Applications

While in school, I was what most would consider a complete nerd. I was always striving for an A, always looking for a way to become more invested in my projects  always hoping to be the best. After 18 years of school, the only concrete evidence of it was a stellar GPA that meant practically nothing to employers.

Now, being a nerd translates to the label "career-oriented." I make a full-time living in those same subjects that fascinated me in school, and I define my fulfillment by that work to some degree.

As a writer and editor, you better believe my friends come a-knocking for advice about their résumés and cover letters. Generally, my advice revolves around the idea that their job history, accomplishments and education needs to demonstrate something about them as a person. It's the applicant's job to extract meaning and values from their experience.

For me, it comes back to that GPA. On a résumé, it's just a number that people associate with being smart, but it means something much different to me. A GPA is a signal of effort, responsibility and determination -- it shows how hard you are willing to work to achieve the expectations set by others. In school, you get a syllabus that explains priorities, duties and deadlines. A student's grade is directly tied to their ability to meet those expectations.

With that in mind, it surprises me how many recent graduates don't leverage those qualities in their correspondence with a perspective employer. Being driven to impress others and exceed expectations is a quality that is helpful with any occupation.

No one will argue that the job market is ruthless, contradictory and disappointing. But if your applications only define you by numbers or job duties, you are selling yourself short. Of course, experience is the asset of choice, but revealing who you are through the lens of your experience sheds light on intangible resources that make you stand out: leadership, potential, teachability and spirit.

I wish jobs were more like our education where we are encourage instead of questioned for wanting to learn more and take it further, read and learn and develop. In school I had a 3.97 not because I was the smartest. A GPA doesn't show how smart someone is, it shows how hard they are willing to work to meet someone's expectations of them. A syllabus outlines those expectations. Meet them, and you get a good grade.

Not that everything requires a reward but I think many employers take for granted that some employees will do anything to please them. Even more, they will do anything to impress them and exceed those expectations. But so often the rewards are few. So, there aren't as many rungs to climb on the ladder. There isn't room for a raise. Teach valuable skills. Encourage personal and professional growth. Help employees figure out their goals and support them.

Those intangible rewards are also absolutely priceless.

It's time to stop thinking about work as a method of survival. I think of it like a relationship, something mutually beneficial that we should expect more than money out of.

Giving Yourself Permission

If I had to imagine the least likely source of inspiration in life, I think "America's Next Top Model" would be near the top of the list. But people surprise me.

One of the girls said, "The things that surface are the things that matter." The statement was innocuous enough, but I so frequently push thoughts down in an attempt to focus on something else.

It doesn't matter if we are at work, on a date or all alone in the car -- we don't stop being human. But our society encourages us to fragment ourselves. It's not unheard of for our personal lives to invade our thoughts during work -- the same goes for work in the time we designate for our romantic lives. We spend so much time repressing the things on our mind in an attempt to completely segment them.

It seems like a silly way to live. And, for me, it doesn't even work.

So instead of constantly pushing aside my thoughts for later, I am striving to allow those things their due importance. It has to be okay to be human and let the different pieces of our lives intersect. Part of that humanity is living in each moment, and accepting it for what it is.

During my completely hectic senior year in college, I took yoga as an attempt to bring some balance into my life. Every time we did relaxing poses, the instructor took special care to help us clear our minds. Years later, her advice is rocking around in the empty spaces of my brain as I try to mentally de-clutter.

If you want to clear your mind, give yourself permission to hear your thoughts. Acknowledge them, but do not wander on them. Then, let them go.

With tight deadlines, long to-do lists, and trying to better myself financially, nutritionally, actively, socially, professionally and cognitively, my thoughts can be a little hard to reign in sometimes. But now, my goal is to give myself permission -- to be human, to acknowledge the importance of distracting thoughts, and to let them go.

Guilty Pleasures

 I love food.

It's ironic, because I am so fascinated by food documentaries and healthy eating blogs. But the chances are, you'd find me watching or reading with gummy bears in hand, thinking about crab rangoon. Admittedly, I'm craving basically every salty snack in the chip aisle at the moment.

But since I crossed the threshold into the second quarter century of my life, I've noticed a marked shift in how I think -- not only about food -- but about almost everything. I find myself thinking about how my choices (in this case, my diet) will affect me for the rest of my life.

It's easy to imagine when you look at these pictures. Here are some examples of me NOT trying:

     

And here are some examples of me TRYING:

It's easiest to be good when the farmers markets are overflowing with seasonal deliciousness in the summer, but it would be wrong to let that be the reason I've been eating terribly this winter. I want to treat food like I should be treating money (I'm sure I'll get to that soon enough). My food should do more for me than make me feel good now. It should give me security, energy and hope that I will lead a satisfying life.

I know that when I eat out of convenience I am not doing that for myself. During this last deadline, I subsided on leftover pizza and Thai food. It was very carb-y and depressing. And if I'm honest with myself it's not even worth the convenience. I feel lazy and unmotivated.

So it's time to put a few more checks in the "trying" column.

My first steps have been small, but I'm really excited to make a change. It might sound a little idealistic or naive, but I also think that desire and excitement about it might be the biggest step of all.

Lifelong Learning

I graduated from college in 2009 a hungry young professional. But in a lackluster job market, it took a few years before landing a job I could really be proud of. When I became the editor of Smart Tan Magazine, it felt like a fairy tale. It was the official beginning of my writing career. It was validation that I have what it takes to be a something more than an emo kid with a LiveJournal.

But like life teaches us, there's more to the story than "happily ever after." It would be easy to settle in and get comfortable, but nobody becomes their best that way. A lot of my friends have gone on to graduate and doctorate programs, and I am so proud of them. But in an effort to avoid taking on unnecessary debt, I've decided to take my education into my own hands.

People complain about the economy a lot -- it's easy to do. But something I really love about the way things are is that it encourages resourcefulness, creativity and entrepreneurship. It's a tough time to enter a formal program or get a sexy corporate position, but it's an exciting time to create your own opportunities. That's what I want to do.

The first step is raiding my own bookshelf.I have a lot of books I started reading, need to read again, and some that are just waiting for me to pick them up. So, once I have a week that's relatively free of obligations, I want to give myself a week without television or entertaining distractions so I can work on this heaping pile of information!

So, here's what's on my desk (in the order of when I'll probably get to them):

Jazz by Toni Morrison
 - I read this book in high school and really enjoyed it. I figured it would be a good way to get back into reading regularly. I'm currently half way through the book.

Spunk and Bite by Arthur Plotnik
- I'm determined to read more books like this one. It focuses on improving style and language to wean yourself off of the expected vocabulary and cliches. That sounds great to me!


The Well-Fed Writer by Peter Bowerman
- I read this book once already, and it's absolutely full of notes and highlighted passages. Even if you're not interested in becoming a freelance or commercial writer, I think it's a great resource on portfolio sites, project management, customer service and creating efficient procedures. I'm looking forward to the second read through immensely.

Savvy Self-Editing by Tony Jaymes
- This book is supposed to help you develop methods to effectively edit your own work. Since I absorbed a second job with the magazine, there's been less time for this kind of thing, so I think it's a practical thing to be working on.

ProBlogger by Darren Rowse and Chris Garrett
- Okay so the subhead says "Secrets for Blogging Your Way to a Six-Figure Income." That seems a little hokey to me, but I'm confident that I'll learn some valuable blogging tips. I think it will be a great companion to my Blog Love course online.


The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke by Suze Orman
- I'm also half way through this book. To be honest, the advice is quite rudimentary. But there are some little gems and useful how-to's about fixing logistic issues with your credit. It's reassuring to feel like I don't need to use this book like a crutch, since it means I'm not completely broke, I suppose.


WordPress for Dummies  by Lisa Sabin-Wilson
- Much like ProBlogger, I think this book will be a great resource for me to develop this blog. It's WordPress Specific which probably seems silly since I'm on Blogger (for now), but I'm sure there's all kinds of great tips that apply to multiple services.

The Language of Composition by Renee H. Shea, Lawrence Scanlon and Robin Dissin Aufses
- I'm a nerd and I loved learning about rhetoric in my literature classes. I think a little academic reading will go a long way to ignite the pistons of my critical thinking engines. This was lent thoughtfully with a grammar book from my high school English teacher. Like I said, I'm a nerd.

Exploring Adobe InDesignCS5 by Terry Rydberg
- I just received this lovely textbook and CD-ROM from a friend last night. People love writers who can work with InDesign, and I love learning! Between this and my Blog Design Love course, I'm eager to get a crash course on the Adobe Creative Suite.

Starting Your Career as a Freelance Writer by Moira Allen
- Last but not least, I hope this book will be a practical guide towards organizing and setting expectations for freelance projects. I can't see myself spending a million hours freelancing, but it's a nice thing to have in your back pocket when you'd like to make extra cash for a vacation or Christmas gifts.

Well...now I'm exhausted from just talking about the books. Time to read them! Cheers to lifelong learning!

Toasting a New Year

Maybe January 16th seems a little late to be all doe eyed about the shiny new year on my doorstep, but I'm sure many of you have experienced the unparalleled productivity of this month. People resolve to get things done and make changes in January, and that means mounds of work for writers like me.

New Years eve was something different this year. Instead of planning a party or scavenging the city social calendars for a night on the town, I had the simple pleasure of being a guest in a friend's home. 

We had an elaborate steak and crab dinner -- as you can see, my friend sets a lovely table -- and enjoyed the company of those we hold most dear. Ringing in the New Year with games and clanking champagne glasses was the perfect remedy for a hectic holiday season and a tumultuous year.

2012 tested the limit of my inner strength. After fighting, searching, studying and working harder than ever, I ended up feeling absolutely liberated. And with a new path ahead of me, I have decided that 2013 will be devoted to longevity. It's time to nourish my body, my mind, my spirit and my wallet in ways that reap long-term benefits.

A while back, I talked about how some online purchases allowed me to put myself in a better place. On top of a blogging course, a design course and healthy living ebooks, I bought a Groupon for kickboxing and Dave Ramsey's financial planning software to put life on the right track. Everyone needs something different to motivate them, but I really think that making an investment into structured resources will help me make great strides.

I think the other major factor that makes me confident is my partner in crime, Brian. Being with someone who acknowledges, supports, contributes to and participates in your evolution really increases the odds that you'll make a change that sticks.

I'm sure I'll be writing more about my progress since each goal is the beginning of a seemingly life-long journey. In the meantime, I hope you've found that thing (or that person!) that helps you turn a resolution into a reality.